Bullying in the workplace - what nurses can do about it

13 October, 2009

Nursing Times’ resident Happy Nurse Claire Westwood on coping with bullying in the workplace

Bullying and negative behaviour – 9 coping strategies

An article from last week’s Nursing Times has highlighted the issue of ‘bullying’ in nursing as well as other negative behaviours that affect nurses in different ways. I have coached many nurses who have had their confidence affected by the negative behaviours of others. This can affect the long-term careers of some nurses as they feel the only way to deal with their emotions is to leave the unit or even the profession entirely.

How to deal with these issues:

1. Firstly we have to accept the basic principle of personal development – everyone is responsible for what they do. If someone is behaving in a manner which is destructive to the team or hurtful to others, they must take responsibility for the effect it has.

2. Most of our behaviours are unconscious – that is, we are not always aware of them or how they impact others. I am sure we have all worked with people who have been ‘rude’ or ‘abrupt’ and felt what that was like. I also know that we have all acted in less-than-helpful ways at times too. Start by noting your own behaviour and the effect it has on others when you react to others, are abrupt or don’t respond to others.

3. Dr Phil says ‘we teach others how to treat us’ so if others talk to us or behave in ways we don’t like, and we do nothing about it, then we are not helping them to change or to see how their behaviour is affecting us.

4. It is the behaviour we want to change – it is not about the person themselves. If we want to make changes, they have to come from us. We can only change ourselves, not others. The simplest way to do this is to tell others when they have upset us. Do this by talking about yourself, and not ‘blaming’ them. For example ‘I would like to you…..’ rather than ‘You always……’

5. Use the ‘compliment sandwich’ to give feedback to others. This is a way to tell others what you would like while giving them positive feedback themselves. Start with telling them what they have done well, then tell them how they could improve (do not criticise – tell them what you want) and then finish by telling them something else they have done well. This is a very effective way to give feedback and negates the need for ‘criticism’ which no-one ever likes to get.

6. If others constantly treat you in a way that upsets you, realise that it is you who is allowing yourself to get upset. They are often projecting their own fears and anger onto you – it is not about you personally. Learning ways to distance yourself from the effects can be a useful tool. You can ‘detach’ yourself and use it as a way to protect yourself form getting dragged into an argument.

7. Another way to protect yourself from getting into an argument is to simply not respond. People who are angry are often looking for someone to be their fall guy and if you keep calm you take away the ammunition they need to start a row or argument. This can work incredibly well, or simply state that you would like to be spoken to in a civil way in the future.

8. In its simplest form – treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. If all staff were kinder to each other and genuinely treated each other with respect (whether you ‘like’ the other person or not) the NHS would be transformed. It is up to everyone to start to communicate in positive, respectful ways to everyone else.

9. If you need more help, find support from your professional body or mentor, have some coaching or learn some advanced communication or NLP skills.

Claire is a qualified nurse and life coach and the founder of happynurses.co.uk. She is author of the book ‘The happynurses Guide to Creating a Balanced life’ - available from Amazon, or click here to win a copy from Nursing Times

Readers' comments (43)

Anonymous | 14-Oct-2009 12:23 pm
I believe that there is always a reason why peole behave the way they do. we may not always understand why this is so but we need to acknowledge it to enable us to move on and to deal with it. some people use their problems as an excuse for their rude bullying behaviour. we all have issues at home that may affect our work but it is best to try and leave them at home. we are all human first and foremost and a nurse second. we must ensure we treat each other as so. Being bullied as we know comes in various forms and being civil costs nothing and that includes a smile. Having your self-confidence undermined and nibbled away at is not nice. I have experienced such behaviour by a newly qualified nurse who shows me no respect whatsoever and who appears threatened by a new role I am training towards. It is not fault that I have been given an opportunity to better myself and gain new skills and knowledge that will greatly benefit my patients and colleagues I work with. The NHS is changing and we are all part of this change whether we like it or not. I abhor confrontation greatly and found myself having to change my normal behaviour to that of a confrontational one due to this collegues behaviour and incivility towards me. I shouldnt need to remind a qualified nurse to treat me with some respect and not to treat me like somthing she has just walked in. I shouldnt need to remind a qualified nurse that I am a human being first and foremost and should be treated as one. what training has she been through to make her behave in the way she has?
Management are aware of her behaviour and have spoken to her in the past about the way she has treated other members of staff. They say she has trouble controlling her temper. I'm not sure I would want to be looked after by a nurse with a problem with her temper would you?
I dont feel good about the fact I had to stand up to her and the fact we have ignored each other in work is not good. I realise that intervention needs to be sought from management to put this problem right.
I hope when we all meet up to sort the problem out we do so with respect and co-operation from all concerned, as there is nothing worse than feeling useless and worthless, from someone elses unkind behaviour.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 14-Oct-2009 12:32 pm
The trouble is that most bullys fall down at point 1. They will never accept that they are doing wrong and organisations do not want to deal with anything negative anymore so they allow bullys to continue and grow as such...The NHS in itself is becoming the bully. A caring organisation full of people who do not care at every level above the clinical level?
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 14-Oct-2009 4:56 pm
Thia ia a very "reasonable" way of treating bullying in the work place. Unfortunately, Bullies are not reasonable people; if they are in positions of authority and flout employment law you will find yourself in the position I did with a manager telling me "To shut the F*** up!"
The first thing you do is keep a log, names dates etc - then you go through proceedure and use HR dept. YOU FOLLOW POLICY & PROCEEDUREs that are there to protect you.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Paul Killen | 14-Oct-2009 5:46 pm
I experienced bullying behaviour several years ago when I started my first CPN post. It was an profoundly unpleasant experience and not just because of the experience of being bullied. I took prompt action when I realised what was happening to me ie noting incidents, dates, times etc and went down the route of making an official complaint. I have to say that I would advise anyone taking the official route to "count the cost" as the process of investigating my complaint lasted over a year and was a horrendous experience.

It had an awful impact on my health, my personal life and almost destroyed my career and, even though the complaint was upheld, I felt no sense of justice or satisfaction at this outcome. During the investigation I was moved to another centre (where I was marginalised and treated with suspicion) and honestly felt as if it was me who was under investigation!!! I was accused of being "too touchy" or told that "it's all about perceptions" or (my personal favourite) being compared to " a faulty clock, right twice a day but still faulty". .The last one was the person allegedly representing me. Sheer tenacity and bloody mindedness got me through this and I was very fortunate to be (finally) redeployed to another Team where my career has flourished and I am very happy.

As a result of my experience, I do not accept ANY inappropriate behaviour from anyone and will immediately challenge bullying or inappropriate behaviour in an assertive and professional manner. I have found this way to be successful and would urge others who find themselves in the situation I was in to do likewise. The only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them. I know this is very simplistic but it's also very true.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 14-Oct-2009 7:58 pm
I have recently been off work suffering from streess due to five months of continuous bullying in the work place by a senior nurse. I am told many people have left the trust because of this particular person. I started keeping a diary and have got detailled record of every incident that has happened. I even have patients as witnesses to some of the events. I reported it to my line manager and copied HR. This I think was a big mistake as nothing positive came out of the meeting. It was at the meeting that my little mistakes that I was not aware of were highlighted. People working in the setting complain about this nurse but none wanted to give evidence at the meeting that was held. I feel let down by my line manager. I am back at work now but still do not feel I am coping well working in the setting. I am currently looking for a new job and will leave as soon as I find one. If I did not love the job I do, I am sure I would have left nursing for good because of this experience.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 14-Oct-2009 8:03 pm
I find the above guidelines very helpful as I am going through a lot of stress as a result of bullying in the work place and did not know how to handle it.
Thanks!
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 14-Oct-2009 9:46 pm
I am currently in a situation such as the ones described above. It makes me so sad to think that so may of us are going through such upsetting stressful experiences.

The advise given is good; but so hard to utilise when the bully is your manager, in an organisation where she is loved! I personally find my clinical supervisor indispensable. My advise is to find a superivor you trust to help you relect on the situation, and advise you on the strategies you can use to manage and cope with the bully.

Above all don't forget to look after yourself first and foremost, good luck!
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 2-Nov-2009 11:33 am
I stood up to the bullies as well as reported poor care standards and got the sack after 2.5 years of investigatory and disciplinary meetings. I had a previous unblemished record of 14 years in the nursing profession. The simple fact is that you can't stand up to the bullies in the NHS. They are a law unto themselves and will continue to get away with treating staff badly, because the staff generally will not take things further. I have been to hell and back for the past three and a half years defending myself and now finally I am hoping to see justice done at a tribunal. Whilst not all managers are like this, it has to be noted that there are corrupt managers and personnel staff that don't do the NHS purse strings any good at all. They believe they are invincible and will continue to get away with bullying because they hold your job and your wage and can take it away from you whenever they feel like it.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 2-Nov-2009 1:12 pm
Unfortunately bullying and harassment in nursing must have a knock on effect on the profession as a whole and runs the risk of putting it in to disrepute with the. public and other professionals.
It really needs intelligent leadership, zero tolerance and good professional and mature discipline to effectively eradicate this kind of dysfunctional behaviour in the workplace. Bullies are a risk to themselves their colleagues and most importantly of all the patients and the organiasation that supports them.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 3-Nov-2009 0:54 am
I followed the Trust Policy & Procedure when I was targeted by the resident bully in 2005. HR and senior management are supporting the bully and using delaying tactics in an effort to wear me down. They have distorted facts and lied all the way through so far. To make matters worse my UNISON rep was colluding with them (probably concerned about his own post, as he is employed by the same Trust). I now have a new rep.
The final stage of my complaint is due to be heard shortly and I know that it will not be upheld. The senior manager hearing it will simply rubber stamp the findings of her previous two corrupt colleagues.
So, following the correct procedure will not eradicate bullying when policies are not implemented in an honest way.
Corrupt managers will not admit that bullying exists in their patch, particularly when they are bullies themselves. So the response is to intimidate anyone who has the courage to report malpractice.
Sadly,this does not help the bully,the target of the bully or the patients that they are all meant to be caring for.
But then it is of course very difficult for corrupt managers to recognize malpractice when future promotion and fatter pensions depend on not recognizing it!!!.
That's what it's all about.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Jacqueline Rickerby | 3-Nov-2009 1:06 am
After being the subject of a bully who had been disciplined for the same on a previous occasion I decided to report it and take it to investigation but to my surprise the bully left whilst under investigation and there was nothing that could be done about it so I was devastated after going through the long and traumatic process of taking it to investigation which included attending hostile meetings with H.R and the Management team and being isolated because it is all confidential I would advise anyone thinking of complaining to think twice but then to go ahead as bullying needs stopping full stop.I believe the only time it will be stopped in the N.H.S is when bullying is outlawed and there is a risk of compensation as finances have always been a big driver for change especially in the N.H.S lets hope this will be sooner rather than later
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 12-Nov-2009 12:07 pm
and also remember it's a good bullying tactic to accuse some-one of being a bully.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 26-Nov-2009 3:51 am
My warning is not to do anything just leave. It is not worth doing anything. This is my story

I was sacked by my employers. They sent me a letter in the post terminating my employment from 21 November 09. This is what the letter said. "My employment at the hospital is not proving successful as there are constant tension between me and other staff. We have tried to resolve these issues with you over the last few months, however, unfortunately many of the issues remain ongoing dispite our best endeavours to resolve them. We fully support all staff who seek our support and assistance but in these particular circumstances, we consider that it is in both our best interests not to continue with your contract of employment at the hospital". I am so shocked, I did not see this coming. It all started in Jan 09 when I 1st started on the ward I sensed that there was already tension there. By the 3rd month of my employment I had voiced my complaint to the Matron about the behaviour of the Sister to me. By June I had to raise a formal complaint about her behaviour. My complaint was up held and the Sister had to Apologize in writing to me. It did stop there and soon after that lodge complaint about my colleagues negative behaviour towards me. Statements were exchanged and decisions came and went and for a while there was nothing. I offered a proposal to enable closure, this was rejected by my colleague. A decision was made and my complaint was not up held. I made an appeal against the decision made, two weeks ago. I received the letter dated 23th November terminating my employment.
I can not believe this has happen to me, what did I do that was so wrong? Did I deserved to be sacked in the 11th month of my contract? No prior warning was given. When the issues were addressed, it did not take long for them to reappear. The contention was mainly due to staff taking unofficial breaks to have a quick smoke. The ward and hospital has a no smoking policy. It caused contention because whilst they had their smoke the rest were left to carry on with the work. As the coordinator when I saw this happen I duly reported this to the Matron. I was a fool if I had known that what I was doing would have left me vulnerable I would have turned a blind eye to it all. All I was doing was to model the code of standards expected from others.
I am awake now, cant sleep, what am I going to do now? This is not the end just yet, the negative behaviour continues. I was offered a Great job. I found out on Friday 20th Nov that the matron had sent a bad reference to the perspective employer, the job offer was withdrawn. I am unemployable now. Is it because I am black? Why I have been treated so?
All I did was to model the NMC code of practice expected by others. The problem is I made one too many complaints about the Sister of the ward, regarding her conduct which upset the status Que and as a consequence I lost my job. It is not what you know but who you know. The Matron the Sister and the other bullies have been running the ward for a long long time. The Trust does nothing accept sack those that dare speak up against them. I just cant believe that this has happened. I have not been a RGN for long but i so regret being a Nurse, I hate how nurses treat one another, so uncaring and nasty and vicious.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 26-Nov-2009 3:58 am
I feel much better for getting this off my chest, time is now 03.52. I have stopped crying. Later I am going to go out and find my self another job. Find some where where I will be valued in a nice working environment. I am worried about the reference thou. I need not be, I am very lucky since I got on and worked well with the Doctors on the ward, and they have agreed to give me a good reference.

I strongly would not advise any one to complain about negative behaviour. The risk of losing your job is too too high a price to pay.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Catriona Campbell-Baigrie | 27-Nov-2009 4:59 pm
It's such a shame that so many good nurses feel that it's not worth complaining when they see bad practice or are the victim of bullying! I'm about to qualify as a staff nurse and I am really looking forward to it but I must admit that it feels daunting that there might not be the support that we deserve! I really hope Anon finds a good job...I wish you the best of luck!
Unsuitable or offensive?
Cindy Villanueva | 17-Jan-2010 2:41 am
I have met more than my share of workplace bullies. I am in agreement with the writers who say, it's not worth the pain to keep trying to fight a bully. The stress is unbearable, it's dangerous for patients, and for your own well being. I have a tendency to be the target almost everywhere I apply as a permanant staffer; so I stick with agency, per diem , and pool as a result. I have worked my dream nursing profession and had my career almost ruined by a very mentally ill supervisor who actually took her bullying to the point of mixing up four chemo therapudic agents to get rid of me. The long term (several months) bullying was blatant and notice by all working with me but no one took the steps to help me put a stop to it. I was horrified that a "nurse" could stoop so low that she would deliberately endanger a patients life to get to me. Evil and sick is what she is and it's frightening to think she still works as a nurse. I took the heat for the incident but she had the look in her eye and the smirk on her face to tell me she was the culprit. I left the job. I got another permanant position and came head to head with a NP who was very passive aggressive and also could have ruined my career if I stayed. I wrote her up after I left and she no longer has a job. Now I am facing another in another facility I work at who is responsible for getting me written up on paperwork she was supposed to do but passed it off to me, Inever had the time to complete it. I also had another position where I went head to head with a charge nurse who called herself the "Queen Bee" I made her look like a fool in her efforts to ruin me also; but I never waste my energy on these mentally ill nurses who have such fragile egos they are willing to harm the patients or destroy the career of anyone who appears they might be a threat to their senority or their image. Don't hang around unless you've nothing to loose, your license is the most important credetial you have and they will think nothing of having it revoked. As a matter of fact, they would get much pleasure of having the power to do so.
Take comfort in the fact that one day they will be discovered or they will meet the wrong person, someone similar to themselves and it will put an end to their bad games finally.
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 18-Feb-2010 1:38 pm
As a support worker, i was happy working on a fantastic ward. I wanted to progress and moved onto working in the community. After becoming unwell and having to have an operation I was told I was no good! It took some time for me to realise that what had happened, was because of lack of support. However, I also realise that i may of got a bit out of my depth, but with better interpersonal skills from staff and the appropriate support that I should of recieved I would of flourished. Constructive critism left me feeling vicitimised!! I felt bullied!! I had always done a good job for four years with no complaints. When I was sent the letter I felt hurt, it knocked my confidence and after spending my whole life wanting to be a nurse, I considered a career change. Now, after some time, I have accepted that those people were bullies and I wont be defeated. I am going to do the job I love, with the passion I have always had for it. I am going forward with my training in September and cannot wait. What I have learnt from my experience, sadly is that not all nurses are caring people. I still wonder what made the bullies start a career in nursing in the first place, if they are not happy they should leave the proffesion!
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 7-Mar-2010 9:14 pm
I'm currently taking my line manager through the bullying procedure. As everybody has stated above, it is a very stressful time however this woman has got away with it for years doing it to other people. Is it right that she should be able to carry on. I feel strongly about this that if the union does not help me, I am going to go down the legal route to help other victims that maybe come under her unhelpful umberella in the future. I also think that she may have a mental health problem, which requires assistance, maybe gained from a past life experience? I've been reading a lot about bullying recently and it seems to me that this is a major cause of somebody bullying someone else.?
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 20-Mar-2011 11:24 pm
nurses who bully aren't necessarily the best nurses but they are the ones who seem to manage to keep their jobs. why is this? why can't people seem through them?
we had one on our ward - manager's pet who was put on our ward to sort us out and report back to the manager! she tore our team apart and criticised everything we did, made us all thoroughly tense and nervous every time we worked a shift with her, and then she told tales which were all lapped up. she criticised everything we did and if we had to carry out a difficult proceedure which we renounced without suceeding because it was too painful for the patient she would huff and puff and immediately take over telling us how incompetent we were. the patients were terrified of her because she was so rough and always wanted us to do any care. there are many proceedures where one does not always succeed first go, often because of atypical anatomy, especially in the elderly, but she always knew best. After her stint on our ward she was promoted to the head of sterilisation. we never had the chance even though some of us had been there a long time. at least then the patients were out of harm's way. she had no psychology and was totally unable to reassure her patients or even have a decent conversation with any of us - but what do you do with the boss's pet?
Unsuitable or offensive?
Anonymous | 2-Mar-2012 10:24 pm
I too have been the victim of bullying in the work place. I complained and went through the trust policy and guess what? nothing happened! I eventually left as I was in a no win situation, I was ignored, shouted at, pushed and made to feel less of a nurse, constantly belittled in front of patients. I was in tears before a shift, tears in the middle of a shift and tears when I got home.

After leaving the NHS I got employment in another trust, id had a year out of work due to stress, ive had to start at the bottom of a band 5 even though im an experienced nurse. I am now in a similar situation regarding other staff nurses, thank god i work with some wonderful HCA's who show more professionalism in their little fingers than these so called professionals. I actually confronted the main one and asked her why she felt the need to speak to me in a derogatory manner, she burst out crying, either the truth hurt or she really was not aware of how her manner was affecting me. hopefully this situation will now be resolved but if it continues i wont be placing a formal complaint but will leave the bitchy nursing profession for good! I worked hard to get my qualification and i am a caring nurse but wow what a bitchy environment the nhs is and it appears the darker the uniform, the bitchier they get! I wouldnt recommend anybody becoming a nurse, its soul destroying!
Unsuitable or offensive?