Minutes of the “What Are We Going To Do About Nursing?” Marketing Focus Group. Private and Confidential.
Gordon: Thank you for coming, help yourself to biscuits. We need to come up with something to sort of relaunch nursing that looks a bit modern, will facilitate the use of diagrams, is catchy and - easy on the Hobnobs, Bob - doesn’t cost anything.
Arabella: Are we thinking slogan or something a bit more visible… new hats?
Bob: Ohh, what about old hats? We want people to stop thinking about what nurses are like now: expensive, educated and, according to the polls, “not very nice to my nan”, and remember what they were like in 1952 - demure, starched, angelic. Give them pre-coronation hats and we’re sorted.
Flotilla: Can’t do it, Bob - infection control and not enough starch. Anyway, we need something that characterises the ideal nurse, the modern nurse, we need qualities, we need catchy…
Arabella: Have we considered rhyming?
Flotilla: Not with nursing it doesn’t; bursting, immersing, reversing, cursing….
Arabella: Well, it could be a word everyone associates with nursing like….
Bob: Tired, oppressed, poorly represented, embattled, varicose veined…. My mum was a nurse.
Gordon: Well, we have had this idea from the CNO’s office. She couldn’t be here today because we told her we were meeting somewhere else. The 6Cs they call it - care, compassion, communication… er care….
Bob: You’ve said that one.
Gordon: I know, er, care, compassion, communication….
Flotilla: Is consternation one?
Gordon: Its not on the list….
Bob: Why C? Why not K? We could have kindness if we went with K and knowledge.
Gordon: Yeah, but there aren’t 6 Ks, are there? Not unless you include killjoy, kickable, kitten-like and kinesis.
Flotilla: D! D is good. Delightfulness, Determination… er… Danceability….
Gordon: We’re wedded to C so we can say compassion and that feels quite important.
Arabella: Will saying that be enough?
Gordon: We hope so. Communication, care, courage, compassion… not custard….
Bob: I like E. Elegant, excitability, excellent, E-coli-fighting….
Arabella: What is this for, again, Gordon?
Gordon: There will be posters and lots of people in quite key positions are committed to saying at least four of the six Cs to each other at lots of meetings and conferences.
Bob: Will it actually help?
Gordon: Well, we’re going to call it a vision to start off with, so that doesn’t matter too much at this point.
Arabella: Who’s paying for the posters?
Gordon: Well, after the Francis report, I got a memo from the Department of Health. They feel they could focus most of the debate on things like inspections, management checks and systems and processes. When it filters down to people, you know, what happened to make good nurses become disengaged, they reckon there will be some righteous outrage, a bit of name-calling and that will be it. However, they did come up with £300 for posters and erm… biscuits.
Bob: Nothing for extra nurses or better CPD, then?
Arabella: Is CPD one of the 6 Cs?
Gordon: No,, I don’t believe it is.
Gordon: Then no, Bob, nothing for that.
Bob: CPD funding really would help….
Gordon: Courage, Bob, courage. It is cheaper than CPD, more vague. If people don’t show courage, we get to call them cowards, very First World War. Stop it with the CPD Bob. It’s the wrong kind of C.