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'I've sweated in fear over mistakes but now I feel excited'

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While updating my new academic diary this week I realised that I only have 14 more university sessions, two essays and three placements left until qualifying as a RNLD. 

Quite a few emotions surfaced:

  • Fear that in a few months time there will be no ‘student’ title to hide behind
  • Worry, about passing the final essays/placements
  • Disbelief, this journey has flown by
  • Absolute excitement, that I am so close to fulfilling my dream

Being quite a practical person, I decided to work through the emotions planning how best to deal with them.

The fear was the most difficult emotion to deal with; being a student gives you a security blanket to hide behind and in a few months that blanket would be gone. To prepare for the loss of this security I plan to; A) Start believing in myself more, ‘I often ask if I am doing things right when deep down I know that I am’.  B) Request more responsibility and have already requested a placement which will give me management experience.  

Worrying about passing my final essays/placements was also difficult to deal with, as I would hate to fail so close to the end. I have been lucky enough to have passed everything so far and convinced myself that it was too good to be true and was bound to fail something. I looked at my plan to deal with fear and realised that A) start believing in myself, was relevant here too.

The reason I have passed everything is not just down to luck, I prepared for all assignments/placements and gave myself adequate time to complete them. 

As for disbelief, that was easy to deal with because the fact is my student nursing journey has flown; but it has been an amazing whirlwind of learning, placements and amazing friendships. Plus, the journey isn’t ending its just transforming, how exciting is that?

Which brings me to my final emotion; excitement, which is by far the best. I have had to go through all the other emotions to enable me to finally feel excited. Sweating in fear that I am not good enough or frightened that I have made a mistake with medications; I needed to experience these to ensure that I never become complacent. 

Worrying about passing the assignments motivated me to research more and with the extra knowledge gained, confidence in my own practice grew and I finally understood about theory and practice integration. 

And as for disbelief, well believe me it really does fly so enjoy every minute of the journey, it will not be long before you too are experiencing this amazing rush of emotions as you hurtle towards qualifying

Michelle Parker is the learning disabilities student nurse editor for Student Nursing Times.


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