First, I have to get this off my chest. It isn’t a heat wave when it only lasts a day and a half and then gets cloudy. It’s a British summer. We’ve had them before, not every year, obviously, but we have definitely had them.
As you get older it feels as though things come around increasingly quickly.
As the post-election dust settles and the nation divides itself between people getting excited about abolishing the Human Rights Act (what have human rights ever done for us anyway?) and wasting time on the internet playing with the Slap Michael Gove app, it is time to reflect on some of the advantages a Conservative government will bring the NHS and dump some of the scaremongering myths that might begin to spread now people find themselves in a world where we are expected to take Boris ...
Have you seen or heard of a TV programme called The Walking Dead? Premised on the idea that you could fall asleep and wake up to find that most of humanity had turned into slow-moving and wholly uncommunicative flesh-eating zombies, it is very popular among young people and to my old eyes quite hard to watch.
Ahh the change in seasons; getting out last year’s cardigans and wondering if you can get away with “retro” for one more year.
If Scotland votes for independence, who gets Lulu? I know she is very small and hardly any trouble but we should be told.
Apparently I have to have a wisdom tooth removed. “It’s facing completely the wrong way,” the dentist said, as if I had somehow arranged for it to grow in the direction of Belgium on purpose. “I’ll refer you to the dental hospital - don’t hold your breath.”
I have been writing this column for some time and there has been only one subject that I have completely and consciously avoided: assisted dying.
OK, mini quiz.
How tired are you? On a scale of 1-10 where 10 is “I’m not tired at all - in fact I could jog to work, do a double shift, get home, feed the kids, polish the dog then jog out to my second job at Pete’s All-Night Car Wash and Curtain Repair Shop where I am in charge of ironing the drapes and colour coding the sponges.” And 1 involves a little bit of dribble slipping down your chin as you choose not to answer stupid questions in a magazine.