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A funny thing

The consultation that had me in stitches

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I was new to practice nursing when a patient came in who had just had a vasectomy. He walked in cautiously in baggy jogging bottoms and said: “I have come for my stitches out.” I told him they don’t usually need taking out but I would check.

I had a look and told him it was OK. I removed my gloves and was washing my hands when I saw him sitting by my desk. I said: “You’re OK, you can go.” He looked bemused, pointed to his brow and said: “I have come to have these stitches out,” pointing to a cut.

Jan Drury

Send your funny stories about nursing to jenni.middleton@emap.com

  • 5 Comments

Readers' comments (5)

  • the time a student nurse but a patient on bedrest on the comode on his bed!!

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  • ...or the well-known story where sister asked student nurse to give the patient two suppositories to help his breathing then later passed by the bed to see the patient with the two supps in his nostrils - logical, eh!


    or my Mum who was asked to collect a urine sample from a tramp, gave him a testtube and prayed under her breath....dear God please don't let him pee on Sister's carpet!

    My dear Mum also spilt the milk for sister and the doctor's coffee break outside the office, and during wartime rationing. it was more than her training was worth to confess, so as a good problem solver, she got a cloth, mopped it up and squeezed it all back into the jug. But then there was one doctor she fancied so a word of advice in his ear prevented him from adding milk to his coffee.

    My father, a radiologist, was furious at a new, but very attractive, German house officer who wrote 'portable' on all her X-ray request forms as it took more time and energy to send a radiographer with the portable apparatus to the wards and the quality of the X-rays was not as good as those taken in the department. A few cross words were exchanged over this but quickly followed by a good laugh as it transpired that she meant that the patients were all 'transportable' to the X-ray department.

    and a word of warning from our lecturer of the communications module to emphasise the importance of clear communications at all times and that the fault for misunderstandings lies with the communicator. A foreboding senior nurse passed a timid student desperately searching through the cupboards in the corridor. She asked if she could help and what she was looking for. The student blushed profusely and replied - 'cod's eyes'. She had been sent by an equally fearsome sister to find them and hadn't dared express her perplexity over the order to fetch some cotsides!

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  • PLEASE DO COME FORWARD WITH YOUR FUNNY STORIES. NEWS IN THE NURSING PRESS IS SO GRIM AT THE MOMENT THAT SOME LIGHT RELIEF MIGHT SAVE US ALL!

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  • james dean

    how about the patient i triaged who presented complaining of rectal pain...they informed me that they had seen their gp the day before for back pain and he had prescribed supposotories for the discomfort but since then they had terrible rectal pain---turns out it always helps if you take the supposotries out of the foil wrapping prior to insertion!!!!

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  • james dean | 25-Dec-2011 1:12 pm

    OW! OUCH!

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