Beyond the Bedpan delves into the murky depths of Facebook, and things may never be the same again.
We know what you’re doing, and it’s disgusting. Yes, you, looking at Facebook, you perv. Now kindly stop it and take 20 seconds to read Beyond the Bedpan.
Facebook, for those who have been working in the Timbuktu Royal Infirmary for the past past five years, is a popular ‘social networking’ website. You go online, make hundreds of friends you’ve never met, get bombarded with pictures of your mate Carol’s sister’s baby, and pretend to be a farmer.
It’s pretty harmless, and over 350 million users can’t be wrong. Or can they?
Just when you thought it was safe to log on, news emerges from the frontline of medical research that, wait for it, Facebook gives you syphilis. Put down the alcohol handrub - it’s not transmitted directly, but through the facilitation of casual, unprotected sex between disease-ridden urchins everywhere.
And it doesn’t stop there. If popular opinion is to be believed, simply logging in causes you to get cancer, become depressed, split up with your partner and present yourself for grooming to perverts of all persuasions.
The moral panic bandwagon is rolling, and Beyond the Bepdan is a-leapin’ aboard. Why, this very screen is the gateway to all kinds of hell. We need to act! Smash up your computers and revert to smoke signals before it’s too late, ya hear?!
Of course it’s not Facebook’s fault. We suspect that casual sex may even pre-date the internet, and that many a lusty encounter has been arranged by telegram, carrier pigeon and horseback messenger alike.
Precautions are needed, obviously, but some of the coverage is getting a little hysterical. And we for one have too many virtual cows to milk to start worrying about it.