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Guns don't kill people, Facebook does


Beyond the Bedpan delves into the murky depths of Facebook, and things may never be the same again.

We know what you’re doing, and it’s disgusting. Yes, you, looking at Facebook, you perv. Now kindly stop it and take 20 seconds to read Beyond the Bedpan.

Facebook, for those who have been working in the Timbuktu Royal Infirmary for the past past five years, is a popular ‘social networking’ website. You go online, make hundreds of friends you’ve never met, get bombarded with pictures of your mate Carol’s sister’s baby, and pretend to be a farmer.

It’s pretty harmless, and over 350 million users can’t be wrong. Or can they?

Just when you thought it was safe to log on, news emerges from the frontline of medical research that, wait for it, Facebook gives you syphilis. Put down the alcohol handrub - it’s not transmitted directly, but through the facilitation of casual, unprotected sex between disease-ridden urchins everywhere.

And it doesn’t stop there. If popular opinion is to be believed, simply logging in causes you to get cancer, become depressed, split up with your partner and present yourself for grooming to perverts of all persuasions.

The moral panic bandwagon is rolling, and Beyond the Bepdan is a-leapin’ aboard. Why, this very screen is the gateway to all kinds of hell. We need to act! Smash up your computers and revert to smoke signals before it’s too late, ya hear?!

Of course it’s not Facebook’s fault. We suspect that casual sex may even pre-date the internet, and that many a lusty encounter has been arranged by telegram, carrier pigeon and horseback messenger alike.

Precautions are needed, obviously, but some of the coverage is getting a little hysterical. And we for one have too many virtual cows to milk to start worrying about it.


Readers' comments (14)

  • Love it! Love everything about it!
    Finally a little sense has returned to the world- people are responsible for their own actions and their own mistakes. Who would believe it?! We have been mollycoddled by the state for far too long in the UK, and look where it gets you. It seems far too easy to blame failures on others 'social services failed my child' no love, you did that all by yourself in not providing a conducive environment for said reprobate. Time for us all to grow up!

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  • it's easy enough to block those people you don't know from accessin your facebook account and you accept who you want as your 'friends' anyway!

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  • Thanks NT for the information. But i personally found facebook quite interesting. Through facebook i was able to get in touch with a friend whom i have lost contact with for so many years.
    I think it's up to individuals to think carefully if they want to sleep with someone they have never met and who is probably living on the other side of the planet. And anyway as anonymous 11:33am said you have the choice to accept only those you want as friends.

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  • There will always be people who want to give out every last bit of information about themselves and their daily comings and goings, and facebook seems to meet this need. We don't have to read it or really take any notice of it, just regard it as harmless fun.
    How ever the site is used to bully, cause distress or harm to another person, that is a different and very serious matter. Sadly there is evidence that it is used by some to do just that.

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  • In response to bullying, virtual bullying seems to be a better option than real life bullying. Obviously it is still completely unacceptable...

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  • love it too! thank goodness there are still some sensible people out there who pretty much see the world as i do - i was starting to think everyone was going bonkers. When are people going to learn to take responsibility for their own actions rather than looking at someone or something else to blame.

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  • Exactly! I've been trying to get my sister in Australia to chat with me on FB and she won't, cos she doesn't trust FB, yet she met her hubby online! Go figure????

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  • I agree with the commment here that we don't have to read or take seriously what we read or see on FB, and that it is essentially harmless fun. Users have to realise that they and they alone are responsible for they post on the site, and be aware that they also have to take and deal with the reaction they get, whatever it may be.

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  • nursteph

    Two thumbs up to you buddy! Amidst this networking and facebook mania, people doesn't recognize its side effects to the body and even to our social lives... Before its tv that are doing this but now its the web.. I'm worried what will be next and what will be the worst side effects...

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  • I concur with several of the statements made it all come down to common sense really. I think facebook is a good way for families and friends who live hunders or thousands of miles away to keep in contact for cheaper. Again I would agree that each individual user is responsible for who does/doesnt have access to their profile...

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