Following a fine tradition of blowing a legitimate topic of debate out of all proportion, Beyond the Bedpan has its say on downgrading nurse roles. It’s not pretty
Nursing ain’t easy. As if the pay freeze and workplace bullying weren’t enough, nurses woke up this week to the news that they are all going to be replaced by robots. While this sentence is sensationalist and not actually true, as is Beyond the Bedpan’s privilege, some hospital trusts have ruled in their penny-pinching wisdom that many band five nurses are bascially expendable.
The argument is that cheaper, less qualified staff could just as easily do some of the tasks, and that the rise of the machines… sorry I mean developments in telehealth, have made certain tasks easier, and therefore suitable for less qualified staff.
The official line is that this is “a major trust-wide organisational development programme with workforce modernisation at its heart”. But read between the lines and you will discover something altogether more sinister.
Nurses are obviously the cream of humanity. So if robots can do the work of the finest humans, where will it all end?
Taken to its logical conclusion, it can only mean one thing. Nurses, and eventually the entire human race, will be replaced by evil androids. So make the most of your journey into work today. Because tomorrow that fine scenery could be trampled underfoot by machines, their huge robotic limbs eclipsing the sun and turning your town into a darkened wasteland.
And it won’t stop there. The seven wonders of the world will be mere footstools to our new rulers, and as the last surviving humans are sent down the mines to die a slow and lonely death, they’ll think of this day, and wish they had done something about it.
So Beyond the Bedpan would like to add saving the world to its already impressive CV, and urge you all to act now, before it’s too late.